Steff (unable_to_smile) wrote,
Steff
unable_to_smile

no more friends only entries, i like people i don't know reading my shit, thankyouverymuch.

long time no update. oh well. a lot has been going on.

monday, last monday, the 11th, was graduation project day. melissa picked me up bright and early, we presented, and needless to say, both got acceptable. FUCK THAT shit. haha. seriously. 'specially her. she did tons better than me and should have gotten that. oh well. life always dicks you over..
after we presented we went to my house, sat around for awhile, then went out for chinese. after that she dropped me off, and two seconds later, eric came over. we sat around and did who knows what,,,and walked to the string shoppe to get a book for my parents' wedding. that's a whole 'nother story, though.
we came back and my mom was home. we were just sitting around and all of a sudden you hear this weird noise..it was my dog on the steps, trying to breathe. i like, flipped out and dove into eric's arms, where i started bawling hysterically. my mom immediately called the vet, she went the next day, and found out..


my dog has cancer.


she has a fucking tumor in her mouth. no wonder that morning i had let her rest her head on my arm and when i lifted my arm up, blood was all over it. gross as it sounds, i don't care. why does she have to have a fucking tumor?..i mean, sure she is seventeen, same age as me, but still..i mean..i don't know. +, the doctor said that she had to get an operation, but like, most definitely she wouldn't make it, because they'd have to put her under for it. but afterwards, he decides, no, i'm not gonna do it. so let her suffer?..the second i see her suffering,.. i'm not going to let my baby suffer.



the past five days have been nothing but me crying. my mom crying. and (possibly) my dad crying. it's kind of weird though, i never see him cry. i can tell when he's upset though. mostly me crying, though. i go into school looking like more shit than i usually do, because i was up practically all night crying.



this just sucks.



the past two days have been nothing but us buying her everything imaginable to eat. she keeps losing weight and is down to like, twelve now. we buy her milkshakes, baby food..she can't eat anything hard.
my dad was talking to my neighbor though, and she has the same type of dog that princess is, and her dog had the same effin' thing wrong with her, too. and her dog's tumor bust and her teeth fell out, but that was five/six years ago and she's still alive.


goddamnit.


my dad asked me the other day if i ever prayed. i'm like, no. why would an atheist pray?..for real. who would i exactly pray to?..he said i should pray for my dog. so indeed i did. but i didn't pray to anyone in particular, i looked at my ceiling and wished, because frankly, i don't believe any of that shit. but if praying is what it takes, i will do that. and lots of it too.



in other news..happier news..today's me and eric's year-and-five-month anniversary. congrats to us. +, i'm on a major diet. results should come within the next week, i tell ya, week.



there's so many other things i should put in here, but have forgot about. i'd be online and come to eljay, but click on the 'X' once the site loaded. i don't know why. sorry, internet stalkers.



i'm going to go.


'til later..
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